Sorry Dear

Dear Dwi ,

I don't really know how to tell you this, our romance is over. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear in your car and I saw you put whipped cream on your ‘My Little Pony’ collection. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understandthat I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.



Warm tingly sensations,

melodyliciouz



Here's how you do it :



Dear (Someone you recently talked to),

I don't really know how to tell you this, (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).



(12),

your name



1) What's the color of your shirt?

Blue - I'm in love with your cat

Red - Our affair is over

White - I’m joining the Convent

Black -Our romance is over

Green- Our socks don't match

Grey - You're a leprechaun

Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy

Pink - Your nostrils are insulting

Brown - The mafia wants you

No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you

Other -I dislike your eyelashes



2) Which is your birth month?

January - That night you picked your nose

February -When I quoted Forrest Gump

March - When your dwarf bit me

April - When I tripped on peanut butter

May - When I threw up in your sock drawer

June - When you put cuffs on me

July – When I saw the purple monkey

August - When you smacked my ass

September - Last year when you peed your pants

October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub

November - When your dog humped my leg

December - When I finally changed my underwear



3) Which food do you prefer?

Tacos - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub

Chicken- In your car

Pasta - Outside of your office

Hamburgers - Under the bus

Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner

Lasagna - In your closet

Kebab - With Jean Chrétien

Fish - In a clown suit

Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert

Pizza - At the mental hospital

Hot dog - Under a street light

Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper



4) What's the color of your socks?

Yellow - Ignore

Red - Put whipped cream on

Black - Hit on

Blue - Knock out

Purple - Pour syrup on

White - Carve your initials into

Grey - Pull the clothes off

Brown - bit of

Orange - Castrate

Pink - Pull the pants off of

Barefoot - Sit on

Other - Drive over



5) What's the color of your underwear?

Black - My boyfriend

White - My father

Grey – The Catholic Priest

Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie

Purple - My corned beef hash

Red – My knee caps

Blue - My salt-beef bucket

Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana

Orange - My Blink 182 cd

Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection

Other --The elephant in the corner



6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?

One Tree Hill - Senile

Heroes- Frostbitten

Lost - High

Simpsons- Cowardly

The news - Scarred

American Idol - Masochistic

Family Guy - Open

Top Model - Middle-class

Annat -shamed



7) Your mood right now?

Happy - How awful you are

Sad - How boring you are

Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men

Angry - That your smell makes me vomit

Depressed – That we’re related

Excited - That I may pee my pants

Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you

Worried - That your Ford sucks

Apathetic - That you need a sex-change

Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes

Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist

Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid

Other - That your driving sucks



8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?

White - Your toe ring

Yellow - Your love letters to me

Red - The pictures from Vegas

Black - Your pet rock

Blue - The couch cushions

Green - Your car

Orange - Your false teeth

Brown - Your nose hair clippers

Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear

Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket

Pink - The cut toenails

Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear



9) The first letter of your first name?

A/B - My virginity

C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it

E/F - Your neighbors dog

G/H - The oil tank from your car

I/J - Your left ear

K/L - The results of that blood-sample

M/N - Your glass eye

O/P - My common sense

Q/R - Your mom

S/T - Your collection of butterflies

U/V - Your criminal record

W/X – Your sucide note

Y/Z - Your credit cards



10) The last letter in your last name?

A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass

C/D - Always will remember the pep talks

E/F -Never will forget that night

G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.

I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly

K/L - Hate your cooking

M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching

O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises

Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs

S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet

U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart

W/X - Haven’t showered in a month

Y/Z – am better off without you



11) What do you prefer to drink?

Wine- Our friendship is ruined

Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon

Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo

Milk - The apartment building is on fire

Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this

Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice

Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war

Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked

Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird

Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey

Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine

Other – you should stop picking your nose



12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?

Thailand – Warm tingly sensations

Australia - Best of luck on the sex change

France - Love always

Spain - With tears of sadness

China – You make me sick

Germany – Please don’t hurt me

Japan - Go milk a cow

Greece - Your everlasting enemy

USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard

Egypt – Kiss my butt

England - Go drown yourself.