I Am

I am ... A woman With a full heart, hidden Somewhere in an empty room ... With eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet Neither all of summer's green; I wonder ... If love is a tale made for children -- A granting of sweet dreams in their innocence -- A honey-coating to help their throats Choke down the bitter draught ... I hear ... A voice that whispers warnings, half-formed, Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw Another breath unless this spectre be unmasked, His lies mangled �neath my righteous tread; I see ... A woman, proud, uncompromising, Diaphanous as air -- less, even, than the tears That fall in desolation about her weary feet, Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground ... I want ... A measure of quietude, a certain silence, The echo of alone which heals me of dreaming, The nothing that stills the wanting, The numb, the cold that laughs at pain; I am A woman, hidden ... I pretend ... That I can live forever -- that Time Has no puissance but that which I afford Him -- And so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow, Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking ... I feel ... Too much -- too deeply to be directionless, Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes Hold nothing of recognition -- only my reflection -- A meeting of shadows in sunlit glass; I touch ... The downy wings of hope, in wonder, In reverence, in need, in hunger; Alas, it burns my fingers as a flame, A sacrilege, self-defined ... I worry ... That I am alone; that in my longing I have forsaken all -- but oh, what reward, What smile divine should light the path to freedom -- And how can I but heed the siren's call? I cry ... For having too much, for fear of bursting, And then, when by the pouring of my soul I lie, a vessel emptied, I cry again For what was had, and lost; I am A woman, empty ... I understand That life is what you make it, That sometimes, the coat of many colors That marks your triumphs brightly, blends only To loneliest of grey ... I say That we are made by life, shaped, Broken, perhaps -- unmade and voided -- But always, the core of us remains, waiting With only faith, with trust, to be reborn; I dream Of bluest waters, reaching With unnatural hands toward the faded sky, Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits, Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds ... I try ... To lead by example, knowing That merely the telling holds no power; A gift of giving is merely a day, while A gift of knowing spans forever; I hope ... That my darkness holds you gently, That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling Wields nothing past the words it summons, Except that it touch you with only healing ... I am A woman, only.